Welcome to my hotness.

mmhmm

Ok, so that was supposed to be the last time i'll see the majority of these people before i go home. and ya know what it was ruined by? Him, again. Why is always the little things that set me off, and why do i let him do it too me? why do i let him treat me like shit? Why do i let him use me for sexual gratification and his little games? why why why? i hate that i let him do this to me. God all i saw was him let paige take a photo of him and her and it set me off, it could have been completly innocent but i know its not, he's never let me take a pisture of him, he tells me he hates it and then goes and lets an almost complete stranger do it? For fuck sake why? thats not fair i hate that i can let him do that.. was last night nothign to him? I tell myself that iw ould have been ok if it was nithing between us but who the fuck am i keiiding, not renne, she gets me! Love her for that. laura just plays it up and tells me thatr we'd be cute as a couple, but i let him do this clandestine thing where hge only appreciates me "in the dark" who am i kidding. He does it because he knows he can get away with it and i let him every time,

God, now i'm back to hating myself again. thank god that i'm going home tomorrow and i don't have to put myself through all this bullshit again. Why didn't i listen to charmichael in the first place.... I'm so stupid.

I hate you!

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 1:23 am 0 comments

Lyrics of the day: 23 - Jimmy Eat World

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 6:26 pm 0 comments

Lyrics of the day: Firewater - Yellowcard

Firewater

You sat me down beside myself
To show me all the reasons I was wrong for you
Was this for real? It's hard to tell
Coz it was such a beautiful mess we had got into

I'm gonna overcome this, paper hearts can't win this time
And all along I should have known this wasn't your dream, it was mine
I know you wanted me to give up this life to be
Everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in

I was never good at goodbye...

Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face

When we were starting out, you believed in me without a doubt
You were the finest thing to happen to a boy like me
It's so much harder now, I wanna try and tell you how
There is so much love in me, even though it's hard to see

And I was never good at goodbye...

Can I swallow this bottle whole? So this brain in my head can forget your face
Can I swallow this bottle whole? Coz I'd rather be dead than make more mistakes

Today I couldn't stay awake
Feels like I'm drowning in this firewater lake
I won't be sleeping much tonight
It's not the same without you lying by my side

Right beside me

Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face
Can I swallow this bottle whole?'
Coz I'd rather be dead than make more mistakes

I know you wanted me to give up my life to be
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)
Everything I am when you're the only thing that I can see
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)

I'm sorry but you're not the, not the only one for me
So this brain in my head can forget your face

You left me here beside myself
Left me with all the reasons why I was wrong for you

http://www.yellowcardrock.com

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 3:54 pm 0 comments

Lyrics of the Day: george - special ones

Isn't it funny how you never really screamed at my face,
but your anger so unspoken and unchannelled permeates my essence to the point where
IDon't want to see you hear you, be anywhere near you,
you probably think I'm threatened by you
but your illusionary power doesn't threaten me
Actually I think it's kind of funny that you create an illusion that is a mirror,
I don't appreciate you and I know that that surprises you
I suppose you see that those who follow their heart always win,
those with integrity have won the match before it's begun

So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me

Some can see beyond the barrier of threshold
whereas others can't see beyond their sculptured mould,
you could offer me nothing, you could offer me nothing that I need
Do you think I'm asking too much?
A kind of respect and trust that shouldn't even be questioned,
how can I open my heart with dishonesty sitting next to me?
I've honoured your honour to the point of embarrassment,
but innocence in the hands of the guilt-free is kicked to, is kicked to the curb
I was ashamed of my innocence,
I was ashamed of my innocence
but now with clarity I see that your bullshit is just not worthy of me

So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being pushed around, I'm going to push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a keyS
o that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me

I don't want to be angry....

This is not worthy of me and now with clarity I see that I can walk away, I can walk away

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 10:14 pm 0 comments

Lyrics of the Day: Anyone, Anyone: Dashboard Confessional

Anyone, anyone

I'm not sure of Anyone, Anyone
But I've got plans.
I'm not asking for everything
But sure I could use a hand

Get a little anxious sometimes you'll be gone and I'll be left behind
Get a little nervous sometimes it'll be my cue and I'll forget my lines
Get a little lost look and some staring from the corner of my eye
Never really mastered disinterest

I can't see how
The way that you leave me alone makes us close
I must be out of touch
I won't ask you
To give up on the things that seem to keep you gone
But I can be gone too

Feel a little sorry sometimes you're not here when I am writing
Feels a little awkward sometimes you won't talk but we're not fighting
You hold onto your secrets
And I'm not privy to what is on your mind
But I can't help but feel tired

So tired
So tired
So tired
So tired


From the 'Drowning EP'

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 8:24 pm 0 comments

Hi

I don't think anyone reads this! Its good and bad, i don't like to be putting in all this effort just to ave no-oneread it! But then i can say what i want and no one wil ever read it! Oh yeah, thats what live journal was for. Its weird, considering that live journal is the one that is paid for (not by me, by my friend, nice guy) its the worst one, to use and to look at. The colour schemes are dull and there's no freedom woth anything. Its hard to post there and difficult to manouvre. I still like spaces, and i seem to be building a loyal following which give me lollies! I can't beleive jill gave them to me, she such a nice girl!
I did a stupid thing the other day. I was wrangling th top off my brand spanking new (and free) eco cup and managed to spill hot milo on mu Keyboard. I know, that was competent of me! It works fine, thank goodness, i couldn't afford a new keyboard. But so of y quick keys are a little stick-y. as well as F10 through 12. But its all good, what do you use F10 for anyway?
I had my first exam today, the spectacular "How Science Works" its a core unit that has a weird structure to it and i only took it coz i had to. I ran out of time. I spent to long answering the short answer questions and ran out of time for the extended answer ones. I know i passed, i hope to get a Distinction for the class though, as my aim is always. My next exam is on Wednesday and is the dastardly Developmental Genetics. I've got about a 75% avaerage in that for the course work, but i really want to maintain that grade, rather than see it drop as it is highly likely to because of my hatered for exams..... Really should study then shouldn't i?

Ok, i know i should be getting over him, and i keep telling people that i am, but is it paraniod of me to be analysing why we haven't spoken for a week? It is the start of exams this wee i i do know that he has a failr hectic schedule, he finishes before i even have my second one, but he's not even saying high on msn anymore. Did i push things too far? was i too earnest in trying to get something started? Should i have taken the hint months ago and moved on (not that there's anything to move on to around here, god whats with the lack of guys? But thats a story for another day) Augrhh, i hate this.

Ok, gonna go get icecream...
Love to all
Mel

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 4:43 pm 0 comments

Oh my God

Ok, everyone, guess what i discovered today? (Ok, i was meant to be studying, i was trying to really, thr internet just drew me in) YELLOWCARD BLOG!!!!!!!!

I have this obsession with reading and writing blogs and i don't know when it started but it has! Yellowcards blog, Zach Braffs Blog (robbed at the MTV movie awards BTW), Jill and Rusty;s blog. And then there's the fact that i have three of my own blogs that i write in....... Plus studying for my 3 exams that i have, plus the essay that i haven't finished yet!

I really should get back to studying....... It will happen soon. I'll but the fianl EM radiation lecture online on...... I can't be stuffed. I need 14% on the exam! No. Gonna study.

Bands that i'm into at the mo': The Starting Line. kiss Chasey. Check them out.

Be good kids.
Mel

P.S Anyone who hasn't heard of Yellowcard come and see me and i'll lend you their album. they're like a 100x better than Simple plan. Mainly coz they don't sing about how much they hate their fathers...... Whats with bands these days and whinging about their fathers? God, Get over it!

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 5:20 pm 0 comments

Ok so

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 2:09 pm 0 comments

so....

So back and ready to study...... Yeah, of course i am. Really really have to study. I'm starting a schedule tomorrow, getting up at regular hours, studying solidly for good blocks of time. Going to the gym and pushing myself. No more slacking off. I had my break when i was up at home and am now going to study hard. Get D's or better and make myself eligble to do my honors if i want to.

Right, no more stressing about boys. Only gonna stress about school.

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 6:24 pm 0 comments

mwuhahaha (evil laugh)

Why is it that evil laughs always start with a mwu sound, like people are building into the real laughs? Is that because to be truly eveil you have to have to be really prepared and to do that you have to work up to the cackle?

And who decided that was the evil laugh? Didi hitler laugh like that and since then its been "thr evil laugh" or was way before him, coz there was evil around before him..... Maybe it was the serpant in the Garden of Eden that laughed like that, as as the "first evil" (oooh, buffy reference without even attempting it, well done me) he got to determine the evil laugh for the rest of time?

posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 3:32 pm 0 comments