23
Jimmy Eat world sung about not living in ones regrets at 23, not loving what i'll never have and not loving selfish things. I was quite happy to turn 23 so i could honestly sing these lyrics, not sing them and think, maybe that will happen when i'm 23. It was like being 17 and finally being able to blame the rain on the fact that you lied.At the start of this year, and as my birthday is in January, the start of 23, i was talking to my friend Robyn about which years of ours had been good. I expressed a warm sentiment for 13, when things were idyllic and fun, and she relished 21. We both agreed that 22 for her had been shocking and 23 was going to really have to suck badly if it was to sink to those depths.
22 for me hadn't been much of a year at all for me. Nothing monumental happened. Sure, i started my job as a teacher, but i had been working towards that for 7 years, it was the next step, the expected rather than the exciting. Around me people were off having adventures and i was settling into my routine.
So excuse me for feeling that 23 was going to be of similar prospects. Robyn rightly pointed out that i was going overseas twice that year and that there should be enough for me to bring 23 up above the levels of previous years, and she had "a feeling" about 23.
Sometimes i wonder at her psychic abilities. Coz that girl is far too often right.
23 has been pretty damn magnificent. I did go OS twice, to NZ and USA both trips teaching me a bit about myself and changing the relationships with the people i traveled with. In the US i realised i can do things by myself and its not too bad. I can make flights and talk to strangers and make friends in hostels.
In NZ i appreciated not only the beauty but also started to see my mother as more of an individual person and not just my mum.
And then there's CYM; certain young man. For someone who has long bemoaned her single status and lack of romance on this blog, a part of me finds it interesting that i don't have much to say about him, except he's wonderful. He makes me happy. The thought of losing him scares the crap out of me and twists my stomach up. Its sometimes like he peels away the layers of bullshit faux toughness and extrovertedness and makes me softer.
I'm not going to gush anymore, i don't want to be that girl too much, but sometimes i feel that perhaps any other year is going to have to have some drastic changes in it if it is to top 23.
posted by Super_Hot_Mel @ 9:26 pm
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